Two Under Two

What do you see when you look at these pictures of my boys? Apparently a lot of people see TWO boys who are UNDER TWO. 

Everywhere I go lately people want to know what it's like to have two kids under two years old. Whether they express that interest with statements like, "Wow, you're busy," (to which I want to answer, "No duh,") or "What's the age difference between them?", having two under two seems to be something that draws attention to our family. Perhaps it's the cuteness of our two boys that draws their attention... or maybe it's Mom's sleepy eyes and lack of make-up that piques their interest. Either way there is something about having two under two that people can't resist commenting on.

So, what is it like having two under two? It has its advantages. Jack isn't the slightest bit jealous of his little brother which may not have been the case if he had been a bit older when Luke was born. He's so sweet with the little guy and very generous with kisses. The independence that a not quite two year old is trying to achieve also helps a bit. Jack really doesn't want my help with lots of things, and I'm learning that he's more capable than I ever gave him credit for before Luke was born. Jack is on an established schedule that I can count on. I know about when he is going to wake up, about when he is going to take a nap, about when he is going to be hungry, and about when he is going to be ready to turn in for the night. Having those things that I can count on saves my sanity on many days. 

Having two under two also has its disadvantages. To use one of my dad's favorite phrases; things can go to hell in a handbasket rather quickly. One minute both boys can be fine, and the next Luke will be wailing at the top of his lungs and Jack will be doing something that I don't think is safe. Inevitably that happens when I am trying to make dinner. Neither boy has learned patience which can cause trouble around the house. When I'm nursing Luke, sometimes Jack decides he needs something RIGHT NOW! Those times are difficult, and it's all I can do to not become frazzled as I evaluate whose needs are more immediate. Often times I think to myself, Luke will forget how mad he was in 10 seconds while Jack's whole day may be shot if I don't respond to his needs immediately. My biggest complaint about having a newborn and an older child is one I think I would have if I had a newborn and an almost two year old or a newborn and a ten year old. I feel like I miss out on a lot of fun things with Jack because Luke is too small to participate. Take this snowy morning for example. I would have loved nothing more than to pull on my winter jacket, hat, and mittens and play with Jack in the snow. Instead I could only watch from the window as John and Jack played together in the white stuff. 

Parents, the magazine, loves to publish articles offering advice about having two kids under two, but really I think instead of reading those articles I should have focused on the ones that explained how different it was going from a family of three to a family of four. John and I have been divided. One of us takes responsibility for Jack while the other assumes responsibility for Luke. That's been a difficult adjustment for me. I'm a pretty hands on mom, so surrendering the responsibility of one of my children (even if it's to someone I completely trust like their dad) is an uncomfortable feeling for me. Or perhaps it's that I feel like I'm not doing my best in raising either boy anymore. You surrender performance when you add children to the family, and I don't like that (surrendering performance, not the gaining children part). 

Some would blame my emotions lately on hormones or lack of sleep and I'm sure there is truth in that, but I think it's more accurate to say that my feelings are mostly affected by the discomfort I feel in not being able to focus all of my attention on either child. Either I'm missing out on the snowball fight outside or I'm missing out on Luke's babyhood, and I don't want to miss out on either. No matter how I feel, I try to focus on the fact that this isn't forever. Soon enough Luke will be ready to join in on the snowball fight outside, and won't that be fun?